Thursday, October 31, 2013

Life is like a box of never know what your gonna get.

Mama tells son to expect the unexpected because, in the end everything is sweet. My life is less like a box of chocolates and more like an endless bowl of pasta.  It seems everything overlaps and happens at the same time.  Or I think I'm eating one noodle from the edge of my plate that really is a different noodle twisted up in the middle of the pile.  My emotions are everywhere.  My thoughts are on one thing only.  My hopes are up. My future silhoutted behind a scrim woven with choices.  

Last year death claimed three cousins, an aunt, a best friend and my grandmother. My dad's house burned down and we didn't cook for Thanksgiving for the second year in a row. This year I experienced real betrayal for the first time and for the first time felt real judgment about myself and how I've chosen to live my life.  I was jobless and dependant (no longer jobless, but still dependant) not for the first time, but felt ashamed of that fact for the first time.  Oh, and this will be year three of Thanksgiving on the fly. Oddly, in the midst of all this Love has found me. I'm not sure I was totally ready for it. I've been working on becoming a healthy person for a long time so that when love came I would be ready.  But in the tangle of my experiences I've discovered just as much discouragement as excitement about being in love. 

Today I am in love and hopeful, learning to appreciate all the strands being laced together, pulling and tugging on one another, hiding in plain sight.  Life is like a bowl of pasta, take a stab at it and savor what you get.

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