So, I'm the one that did the breaking up and yet this is how I feel.
Perfect love casts out fear. Love seeks not its own. If this is true, then couldn't we work it out? If we really love each other, then won't love transform us to be able to be together forever and have the life we both want?
I can't change him. I can't make him want the things he doesn't want. I can't stop wanting the things I want because they are the things that make up my destiny.
Expectations I can change.
Perspective I can change
False hopes I can change.
The desire to be a mother I cannot change.
But I also cannot change the fact that I love him.
I cannot change the fact that he knew what I wanted and what I was all about and pursued me anyway.
I cannot change the fact that he won me and made me feel loved, prized, wanted, admired.
Am I still to rigid and inflexible? Can I marry someone with the hope that he will cease to fear being a father again?
Can I marry someone with the hope that he will cease to fear travelling to far flung locales?
Can I bind myself to someone knowing that he may never change, that I may never have what I desire and that he is content to let me live that way?
I've been crying off and on all day asking these questions over and over again, thinking I made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
Did I make a mistake?