I was desperate and still am.
My daily scripture reading brought me to Romans 4:3,13
For What saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteous ness...For the promise of that he should be the heir of the world, was not to Abraham, or to his seed through the law, but throught the righteousness of faith.I realized what really is missing. Among tears and pleas for mercy, I asked God to fill in the missing piece of my life so that I could live my life, "Lord, tell me my promise!" Abraham received a promise, so did Noah, Moses and Joseph and David and Joshua and Rahab and Gideon and Mary and everybody!!! An intimate, singular, unforgettable, exchange between God and a chosen person that revealed God's desire and plan for that person whether in detail or vaguely, whether whole or in part is clearly evidenced throughout scripture. All these people heard their promises at different times, different seasons, in different ways and had different amounts of time to wait before seeing the promise come to pass.
Why, then haven't I received mine? Has He already told me and I forgot? Could Moses have forgotten his promise? I highly doubt it. At a moment like that one discovers the power of God what amazing things a person is capable of when he knows that He has a promise from God. No, I don't think I forgot. Perhaps, He told me and I wasn't listening. Possible. But as I've prayed over and over again for Him to enlighten me again, why do I hear nothing? I'm certain He wants me to know and wouldn't punish me for not being attentive before.
I don't know...I'm tired and I'm tired and I'm tired. I hope that during Passover, when God kept His promise to Israel and established a nation for Himself and an inheritance for me I will finally have the emptiness filled. Until then, I will believe God and wait.